My First Hand

17 Aug

Starting off is always the hardest and not just in blogging obviously. The first day of school, first day at a new job, the first day of the rest of your life… You know what I mean? Well my first hand in the card game of life was dealt to me at the age of 8. Lets rewind and then I’ll show you my hand.

Honestly I can’t tell you when it all started. As far back as I can remember I always felt weak. I always felt like I couldn’t keep up with my friends, that I never seemed to have that sparkle of energy they all ran around with. The earliest memory I have of an exact instance where my little self knew I was different was when I was 4. I was just learning to ride a big kid bike along with my little bro (he’s 1 year younger but we were and are inseparable). We hadn’t been out there for more than 15 minutes when I started to feel so exhausted. My body grew weak, my arms and legs fatigued, and then… black out. I can only imagine the site of my little body slumped over my handlebars, barely sitting on the seat. Thank God for training wheels! I don’t remember how my parents handled this, all I remember is that feeling before the blackout. So helpless and weak.

Fast-forward 4 years. My weakness was starting to become an issue. As I was getting older it was becoming more apparent to my parents that something was wrong inside my body. I was frequently visiting Dr. B for difficulty walking, for my fatigue and overall tiredness. He was puzzled. He prescribed physical and occupational therapy to see if that could help me learn to live differently; To move my body in a way to preserve my energy. Shortly thereafter I got worse. My muscles knotted up so tightly even my massage therapist couldn’t work them out, my urine turned dark and I was losing muscle protein rapidly, and then shortly after the protein loss the worse happened. I woke up unable to move my legs. My memory of this morning is strange. I don’t remember feeling fear, anger, or confusion over being paralyzed from the waist down but that I was upset I was missing a “very important test”.  Hahaha, oh I loved school! This whole leg issue was going to make me miss a test I had been studying very hard for! I was 8…I should have been freaking out, crying, scared. What WAS wrong with me? My 24-year-old self looks back at my 8-year-old self and feels a strange sense of pride. Nothing was wrong with me. Physically yes, obviously. But my heart and my mind they were outstanding. I consider this day, this experience as my first hand. I can’t tell you just yet how this hand plays out, because many cards are dealt and discarded over the years. But for an 8-year-old, I’d have to say I man handled this hand! I stared it straight in the face and I didn’t let it scare me. I was all in. Is there any other way to play in life? I guess so but that’s not very exciting is it?

7 Responses to “My First Hand”

  1. jill August 17, 2011 at 2:35 pm #

    so , Im speechless! I will continue to check for more blogs from you.Its interesting to read your recollection of your childhood experiences. Parents always wonder just how our children access an event or situation, many times the child seems unable to express the feelings at that moment, years later we find the child really did see things clearly or perhaps may not see it as it was. SOOO happy to see you start this !

    • Lace August 17, 2011 at 4:07 pm #

      Speechless?! I think I’ve only induced that state twice with you. =) I love you momma and I am glad this has made you happy.

  2. Amber August 17, 2011 at 3:46 pm #

    Oh Lord….best and worst experience of my life was our trip up there to see Leah. I miss you Lace! Wish we could be young and stupid again 🙂 those car trips we had were priceless!

    • Amber August 17, 2011 at 3:48 pm #

      Oops, commented on the wrong post 🙂 haha!

    • Lace August 17, 2011 at 4:10 pm #

      Hehehe! I loved every moment we spent together. We always had fun, even if we were entering the freeway from the exit ramp into oncoming traffic… Hope Aunt Joni doesn’t read that one. IT WAS DARK AND NO CARS WERE AROUND! Lol. Oh young and stupid sure was fun! Let me know if you ever come across those in-car videos.

  3. Leah Lindstrand Garrett August 17, 2011 at 4:42 pm #

    Im so glad your starting this blog Lacey! I have a feeling there will be lots of tears shed. You have such an amazing gift with words! Love you little Sis!!!

    • Lace August 17, 2011 at 4:51 pm #

      Thanks Leah =)

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