The “I’m Broke” Card

18 Aug

Usage Guidelines: Use when you need to get out of something due to financial reasons OR as a manipulation tool

Expiration: When you aren’t broke anymore

(Quick note: I wrote this in July of 2009)

We’ve all been there unless you are one of those lucky bitches, don’t get me started on you.

Broke girls around the world, I feel your pain. As I am writing this I can tell you I have $108.00 in the bank and I am to share that with my soon-to-be ex-husband. So yes, this card has been on of my most played recently.

I have no job, no skills besides office work and being a mother. All the while the economy is in the shitter and my looks can only take me so far. NO! I will not strip but the thought briefly came to mind. Damn C-Section scar and short stature…

My BFF called up. “Let’s go for cocktails!” What I wanted to say:

You bitch with a job! Are you serious? Do you not see me eating Ramen for lunch and dinner, re-using teabags, rationing toilet paper, shopping at the Dollar Store for my underwear??? “I’m Broke” so take your $8.50 cocktail and pour it into your new coach purse which is uglier than my Dollar Store bloomers!  KK, Thanks Bitch, BYE! ❤

But before speaking your mind to your “job-having-BFF”, play the “I’m Broke” card correctly.

Scenario:

BFF: Hey Chica! Let’s go for cocktails!

YOU: Awe, I wish I could (insert BFF name here). But “I’m Broke”, like, I can barely afford tampons this month. And I’m so bummed because cocktails with you would totally lift my spirits. Its been so rough lately (insert BF name here) I could just cry.

BFF: OH HONEY! Kay, be ready in an hour! I’m taking you out tonight for dinner and cocktails and then buying you a giant box of tampons from Costco. I love you, you’ll get through this. See you soon.

Don’t be bitter about the “I’m Broke” card. I promise it will get better and so does my BFF.

When I wrote this card I was really broke. 2 years later I am still broke BUT not as broke. I’m also in love and broke, so it makes being broke a bit more tolerable.

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3 Responses to “The “I’m Broke” Card”

  1. Mindless August 18, 2011 at 9:24 am #

    Love this post!!! Been there done that and it does get better.

  2. jill August 18, 2011 at 2:07 pm #

    Oh, this card is one that is so worn , you can spot it in my deck! tear stained, edges torn and bent and so very used. I wish this card wasnt played as often in my life. Thanks for the reminder of where I have been and how my cards show me what really is valuable!

  3. Leah Lindstrand Garrett August 18, 2011 at 7:39 pm #

    Can’s afford tampons!!! Oh I love it Lacey!!! This one had me laughing and crying, even better!!! You forgot watering down your whole milk so you can have skim next week…lol…

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