The Hair Down There (Yes, there)

1 May

Everyone has it and at some point we all wish we didn’t. I for one find it to be unmanageable and time-consuming. See, I have a high maintenance crotch. First I have to do yoga stretches to prepare for the coming events then I need tools, mirrors, lighting and ample time. You might be wondering why I am posting about “down there hair”? Well, it’s for 2 reasons.

I had a frustrating experience with it recently and a pretty deep thought shortly thereafter. The frustrating experience involved me Google searching “How to groom your parts”. I just needed a new do’ but I had no idea how to achieve this. I had so many questions. Should I grow it out in some places, should I make it high and tight like a military vagina (This is called a “landing strip” from what I’ve learned)? I didn’t wanna mess it up, or look goofy. I now know people do weird stuff with their nether quaff. I’m talking braids, beads, shapes, initials, colors, afros and so forth. I just wanted something simple, like a wash and go bob for the lady parts. After all the Google Images and How-To articles, I was left a little confused and frankly, quite frightened. I had to wing it, but do not worry for my nether region, all is well now.

On to my deep thought. This thought came to me mid-yoga stretches, right after I had rid myself of the toxic and nearly pornographic images I had been accosted with.

I am convinced global warming is real and dangerous. Let me support this knowledge with theoretical facts šŸ˜‰

All things in this world have evolved over time. From plants, to animals, to humans, we all have changed in order to adapt to our surroundings. Why then, in an age of warm clothing, underwear, and heat do we still have body hair? We no longer need it to protect our parts from intruding bugs, or to help regulate body temperature. Why then, is it not leaving or showing signs of leaving? I’ll tell you.

God is in charge of the evolution of this earth and he knows we will need it soon (in the next couple hundred years at least) as we return to the Ice Age. First it’s going to get hot, I am quite sure of that. We’ll want to rid our self of all body hair and throw away all clothing, but you must resist for WINTER IS COMING! That’s right, it’s going to happen. Why else would we still have under-bush sprouting up after hundreds of years of not needing it? Some day my hair down there will provide much-needed warmth, therefore, I will not be getting electrolysis for my birthday. I need to keep it, nurture it and groom it into an undercarriage snuggie. I urge you all to do the same. One can never be too prepared. And the preparations must start now in order to pass down our Hair Down There Magnificence to our future generations who will need the warmth and epic amount of body hair.

Now, go forth and grow for the sake of future generations. It’s your duty!

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6 Responses to “The Hair Down There (Yes, there)”

  1. jill May 2, 2012 at 5:39 pm #

    lacey, your dad and I laughed so much with this post!!! Funny we arent seeing any comments from anyone…..We think you need to post this some where on those how to pages so everyone can enjoy! love the way your brain is twisted.

  2. Lynette Gallagher May 2, 2012 at 8:42 pm #

    WOW!!! Never really looked at it that way!!! But…..HYSTERICAL none the less!

  3. Angel May 2, 2012 at 9:22 pm #

    I love this! LMCO…

  4. T May 2, 2012 at 9:57 pm #

    Next time I’m lazy I’m going to use the ‘it’s your duty’ excuse.. =) very funny btw

  5. Amy Nielsen May 3, 2012 at 1:06 pm #

    Okay Lace….. I almost peed my panties….. I am sitting here by myself reading this and all I can do is laugh and look around wishing there were someone home to share this with!! Love you Lacey, you just made my day!

    • Lace May 3, 2012 at 1:11 pm #

      And your laughter made mine! Love you Auntie.

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