Archive | June, 2012

The Month of Cards

27 Jun

Despite a killer migraine who is enjoying an extended stay in my head, the card collecting is going well. A special thanks goes out to all who have commented or emailed me their own cards and ideas/suggestions. With your help I am creating an outstanding collection of Cards of Life. Your sharing has helped me unlocked a new part of my brain when approaching Cards of Life, and I am now pulling cards from outside the standard box. So thank you again! You all are so inspiring!

 

July shall be The Month of Cards here at My Life of Cards. I look forward to sharing the deck with you and exchanging more cards! Please continue to share your cards in the comments or email me at mylifeofcards@yahoo.com

 

Happy Wednesday Balls.

 

P.S. I am so excited for The Cards of Life! Click the follow button to the right of this page if you’d like them sent to your email =) You won’t want to miss these!

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Calling all Cards

23 Jun

Recently, plans have been made for my son to visit his dad and extended family in Texas. B will be gone for the whole month of July and I’m already starting to dream up ways to keep myself occupied. I am pretty sure I’ll love the solitude.

First, I plan to finish reading “Let’s Pretend This Never Happened” By Jenny Lawson, The Bloggess. A book I bought over 2 weeks ago and have barely cracked due to mothering obligations and exhaustion. Second, I plan to read the rest of the Game of Thrones series. Thirdly, this reading and relaxing will take place in a comfy lawn chair as I simultaneously tan, soaking up all those cancerous rays the East Coast has to offer me. Fourthly, I shall keep a cooler of alcoholic beverages beside me with plenty of little umbrellas to pop in them. In my head, I’ll be in Guam. Fifthly, I will most definitely be blogging it up! Why not right? There will be no little Thor to distract me with Wii Games. No cute little face begging me to walk to the park. No whimpering interruptions of hunger, this thing children always seem to want, I think it’s called lunch?

It’s just me fulfilling my own desires. I can almost feel the sun penetrating my epidermis. Just two more weeks until my vacation from motherhood commences and I find out which of my favorite characters die in their game of thrones.

 

In preparation of “Blogging it Up”, over the next 2 weeks while I await my maternal check-out, I am amassing Cards of Life in my draft folder. I have prepared 20 cards so far but I’d like to hear about your cards. All player’s have stock cards, like The “I’m Sorry” Card, or The “I’m in Love” Card, those cards we all have in common to some degree. I want fresh cards, different cards, cards that I’ve never encountered a use for yet. Help me build a better, well-rounded and more prepared hand.

Anything goes. They can be funny, faith-based, thoughtful, sad, challenging, raunchy. Whatever you have, I want. Seriously anything goes!

 

If you’d like to help me out, please leave the title of your cards and a brief description as a comment below. Although usually the title is enough for me to go on, so no pressure for the description. You can also email me your Cards of Life at mylifeofcards@yahoo.com and I will be sure to give credit where it is due when the card is made.

 

Thanks ahead of time to my followers, readers and players alike. I can’t wait to hear about your cards! Have a wonderful weekend and Game On!

Umbrellas Have A Purpose

21 Jun

Just a short post this morning as I am heading out to help a friend get organized for a move. There’s been a promise of Starbucks, so of course, I am there.
Last night in bed T and I were discussing our day and planning out our weekend. I made mention that I wish I had a Canadian driver’s license because it’s so hot, B and I dislike walking very far in this heat. But in order to cool down and have fun, we need to walk about a mile to the nearest plash-pad/park.

Me- Maybe we could call a cab for the ride there? And you could pick us up after work?

T- That’s kinda weird for just a mile. I can pick you up, but I don’t think a cab is necessary.

Me- Ya, I know. It’s just so humid it makes me sick walking in it. (using my whiny voice here)

(He offers no ideas. Time passes in silence.)

Me- I could always use an umbrella like those Asian people B pointed out the other day. (B thought them very strange walking with an umbrella in 100 degree weather)

T- So you’re going to use an umbrella?

Me- Yeah, I think that would help shade us while we walk. Like a parasol…

T- So you’re going to use an umbrella to shade yourself from the sunshine?

(T starts giggling. Yes, giggling.)

Me- What is so funny?

T- Well, in true Seattlite fashion, you never use an umbrella. You always have them around, but you just gingerly walk out into the rain, never complaining. It could be pouring and you just walk faster. Now you want to use one, but it’s to block out sun.

(Yes, I get it now)

Me- Well that’s because if I don’t shade myself from the sun, people will see me sparkle. I can’t risk people figuring out  what I truly am.

T- Twilight? Really?

Me- OK yes, it’s weird and I get the oxymoron found of my actions. Or maybe it’s just moronic….

T- Love you Lace.

Me- Love you, Night T.

(Time passes as we try to sleep)

Me- YES! Now I can finally use that umbrella that came with my purse! It matches the lining you know…

T- Glad you finally found a use for it….

Me- I know right?! It takes up so much space, but I knew some day it would come in handy.

T- You could have used it last time you were in Seattle, with all those rainy days.

Me- You just don’t get it T. You don’t get it.

Have a great Thursday everyone! I know I will. Starbucks is on the horizon.

The “I’m Sorry” Card

19 Jun

Usage Guidelines: Use to express regret of actions or words. (If you use this card to keep the peace, please check out The “Doormat” Card.)

Expiration: This card is only valid for one or possibly 2 uses on any infraction. It will not be accepted multiple times for the same damn thing! (If you accept this card repeatedly for the same poor behaviour, you as well should check out The “Doormat” Card.)

You know those people in your life that you love but they can’t seem to ever do it right by you? Their sorry card is so worn from repeat use that their card could crumble to dust at any minute. Because you love them, you keep accepting their crappy sorry card over and over, hoping they will get it right soon. But to no avail, same ol’ story, same ol’ card.

How hard is it to tell the truth? How hard is it to not hurt someone you care about? How hard is it to follow through on promises? Apparently, it’s near impossible for some.

One could say that if a person repeats a poor behaviour, that they probably mean to do it. They meant to lie to you, they meant to fight with you, they meant to mock you, they meant to “forget” about commitments…

Perhaps they just don’t care about you. Perhaps it’s easy for them to say sorry and continue on unchanging. And if you repeatedly accept their sorry-ass sorry card, why not continue on with the bad behaviour?

I have a few things to say to the card player found in violation of the rules:

Hey you with the worn, torn, faded sorry card! Cut it out. Quit hurting the ones who love you. Quit misusing their forgiveness and softness of heart, you terrible person! Do it right, make things right, and put your stupid sorry card away! If you find that you are in constant violation of The Sorry Card Rules, I suggest you should do that person you keep apologizing to a solid and get lost. And take your sorry card with you.

Hey you, Doormat, who keeps accepting the sorry card for the same bad behaviour from the same person, cut it out! How many times do you have to be wronged before you realize enough is enough? You should not allow ANYONE to take advantage of your kindness, ever. Stop being a Doormat. Rip up their Sorry Card and show yourself some respect.

Hey you, Doormat, who uses the Sorry Card to keep the peace, STOP IT! You are an equal, your feelings matter. Stop devaluing your voice and start standing up for yourself. Do not give in because you dislike the confrontation. So you’re uncomfortable? So what. It will hurt you more in the end if you sacrifice your feelings. Please find your spine and your mouth, and let your voice be heard. It’s OK to disagree, it’s OK to speak your own mind. Stand your ground!

To everyone else who uses this card properly:

Well done! Way to be awesome at life!

*In my Cards of Life rules, I have offered an exemption to people I love with A.D.D. and those in recovery for an addiction. I’ll continually take the sorry card from them and show them grace, love, and support. I’ll also continue to accept Starbucks drinks as tokens of apology. So long as they make progress and take their meds like a responsible human being, of course.*

Oh, I’d Smash Her Good!

19 Jun

I read a blog the other day that was talking about making dialogue flow when writing conversations between characters in a book. One of the suggestions was to go to a crowded place you don’t frequent and to listen to people’s conversations.

Well we went to a CFL game last week and let’s just say my anxiety was soaring. The sound was far too loud it put me on edge and there were tons of people. I was very uncomfortable. But I fought back and what helped me was remembering that blog, and the suggestion to listen to people. Although I didn’t need to practice writing dialogue, I did think that eavesdropping on people around me would be entertaining and a fun way to distract myself from the chaos. I totally invaded people’s privacy.

I started with the two teen boys sitting behind us. At first they were talking about their plans for the upcoming summer break and how glad they were to be done with classes soon along with teacher bashing. Then they drifted to girls they like. This was interesting. I was expecting to cringe, I was expecting dirty or crass content. But they surprised me.

One of the guys came out with a struggle he’s been having for a few months. “I really like her. She’s funny, smart and really sweet but she got fat this year. I mean, she has the prettiest face I’ve ever seen. I really like her, but you know how the guys would be…she’s fat now. I don’t know, maybe I’ll ask her out this summer and we can be active and hike and stuff….” He trailed off and his friend picked it up agreeing she was all those great things, but is in fact at least 20 pounds heavier than last year. They talk about her home life, and how she had to quit sports and maybe that all played a part of her weight gain.

It was nice to hear guys talk like this. They took it beyond surface and went deeper. It was nice to hear young men talk with feeling and be considerate of life circumstances, and not just judgmental, objectifying pigs.

And then, well, and then they went and ruined it.

The first guy- “Ya I think I will call her this summer. Maybe start flirting with her when no one is around, and then once school is out, I’ll make a move.”

Second dude- “Ya definitely. That could work. I mean, she does have a really pretty face. And if you can get her to work out with you, come next year at school she’d be frickin hot again.”

First guy- “Oh heck yes! I’d smash her good if she lost some weight. And since no one would really know but you this summer, I get some then too. Oh yeah, I’d smash that!”

Second guy- “Ya and since you’d be dating her while she was bigger, she’d give it up good…”

I tuned out. I was so disappointed. Way to crash and burn guys.

Furthermore, what in the world… Smash her? Seriously. You’d smash her good?  Who says “smash her”? Apparently the 5’8, 110 pound, 16 year old boy with the acne covered face and Darth Vader t-shirt behind me does.

I moved on to the young woman sitting beside me with her parents and a family friend, hoping for some better content. The young woman, around 28 or so, had just graduated law school with honours and was to be taking the bar exam next month.  She’s beautiful, successful and was wearing really cute shoes. Her voice was perfectly pitched with a slightly sexy rasp to it. She was slender, tall, with curly dirty blonde hair swept up into carefree cuteness. I stopped listening once I realized how utterly vapid she was…. (OK, or maybe I just got jealous. Maybe.)

Then I shifted my attention to the best pair ever. My hubby and son. They were the biggest aid in conquering my anxiety that night. And when I actually was able to watch the game, it turned out to be pretty cool.  GO TI-CATS!

…..Smash her? Seriously dude?

 

It’s amazing what you’ll hear when you take the time to listen. Or eavesdrop.

My Concussion Still Sucks Metaphorical Balls.

15 Jun

Ever since my concussion (read all about it HERE and HERE) I have felt emotionally unstable. Because of the Post Concussion Syndrome, I have frequent headaches and experience anxiety in social situations (even when I’m with my close friends and family), loud noises or chaotic environments trigger attacks, small things I used to not fret over worry me and make my heart palpitate, and in addition to the anxiety the concussion caused depression as well.

From the usual content of my writing this may come as a shock to you. I keep my posts humourous and upbeat no matter how I might be feeling on that particular day. I find that when I force myself to write, even when I am mentally in a dark hole, it helps turn my day around. I work really hard to search out a happy place and when I find it, I start to write and share what I found with the world.

I enjoy writing. I enjoy laughing. And I especially enjoy other people’s laughter. But this past week has been torture. I don’t know why it’s been worse than usual. My body is even feeling it. My legs are fatiguing and last night I felt pain in them that I hadn’t felt in months, my joints are aching, I even find myself frowning and scowling for no particular reason.  It hard to find pleasure in anything. I can’t seem to look forward to fun things we’ve planned for this weekend, and that just makes me mad.

What really gets me going though? I know all these feelings are irrational. I have no reason to be sad, disappointed, agitated, depressed, angry, or anxious. I feel hyper aware that my mental state does not fit my situation in life and that makes me even more agitated and frustrated.

My life has improved in so many ways over the last few months. My hubby graduated college a few months ago and he has a great job in a very cool field, We have money now (such a relief of stress), I’ve been able to visit home a few times in Seattle, I got to see my brother get married, My son is growing more awesome with each passing day, I’ve lost 3 lbs, I have a couple of friends in Canadaland now, And my application for permanent residency is currently under evaluation and should be approved by the end of the year. Seriously, I should be happy. I should be loving life, enjoying the beautiful summer with my son and husband. But I’m struggling, and that frustrates me.

I’ve been to a few doctors about these issues and each time they say there is nothing they can do for me because the problems are caused by my post concussion syndrome, not a chemical imbalance or an inability to cope with a crisis. They say this could last from a few months, to several years, or the rest of my life. I wish I could take a pill for a while, or get some counseling and be better. But those remedies won’t help me. I feel like there they are telling me there is no hope but time, and I don’t want to accept that.

I want myself back. I don’t want to have to dig myself out of this stupid dark hole anymore, I want to always be in the beautiful light of life. I don’t want “good days and bad days”. I want to be the Lacey I was before the concussion. The rational, emotionally stable, spontaneous, upbeat, positive, excited about life, always looking on the bright side, Lacey. I hate that I have to force a smile on my face, I feel so fake doing it. But the anxiety and depression are the true disingenuous a-holes. They are both LIARS and exist in a false reality.

I know that my anxiety and depression are affecting my son and husband, and that breaks my heart. This past week has been especially hard for everyone I think. I try to make up for all my neurotic behaviour when I have a good day, but I haven’t had one of those in over a week and it’s not for my lack of trying. And it just adds to how horrible I feel when my husband is all sweet, caring, loving, understanding… I feel worse when he is so good about it all. How’s that for crazy?

I don’t know where I was going with this post, or if I had a point I was going to make. Honestly, no clue… I do however know that a lot of people suffer from anxiety and depression. And if you’re reading this and can relate to what I am going through, I hope you feel less alone.

Until these concussion related problems dissipate, I’m going to keep fighting against it. I’ll keep climbing out of the dark hole, I’ll keep trying to smile. I still have my will to fight and it will not defeat me. Anxiety and Depression will have their place for a while it seems, but I refuse to let them define me. I refuse to give up hope for an end to all this inner madness.

And so today I do battle in my head. I hope if you’re feeling DOWN, that you’ll fight for the UP with me! And if you’re already UP, how about you grab the hand of someone who is DOWN, and drag them UP to you. Or throw a couple Xanax or Valium at them. Be friend will ya?

P.S. A friend of mine linked me this video, HAPPY!, and it brought me a genuine smile. It was just what I needed to find true happiness today, and a grip on reality. I looked at my son and remembered his first words and how his laugh used to sound when he was a baby. Thanks C!

P.P.S. When I went to do the tags after finishing this post, one of them was “Lady Gaga”. I thought about why she was suggested. It has to be because of my mention of pills and living in an alternate reality. I tagged her because WordPress would never lead me astray….

It’s Time To Do It Right, Lace

13 Jun

Do It Right. That’s my motto.

I pride myself on “Doing It Right” in my life but after a morning of meditation, I acknowledged that I have been falling short. I have to make a change. No more half measures. I refuse to be a hypocrite.

How can I go around telling my friends, family and strangers to “Do it right!” when I am not actively giving it 100%? And I so love to tell them, “DO IT RIGHT!”.

Hence, I am discontinuing parts of my blog, My First Hand and Living the Re-Deal, and beginning to write a book. I have real content to share that goes deeper than a 5 minute read once or twice a week. I need to be able to write without leaving parts out “because it would be too long for a blog post.” I also need to stop hiding behind this blog. I know I am hiding. It feels safe here in the world-wide-web but its high time I step out of this comfort zone.

See, me living today is a miracle. Every day I spend on this earth without pain and paralysis is a blessing. God healed my body and because of him I have the opportunity to write my story and share it in its entirety. And my inspired story deserves a book. I am sure of it!

I will leave up the posts in The First Hand and Living the Re-Deal but there will be no more added in the future. It’s time I Did It Right, and started putting my life down on paper. (My mom is going to be so happy about this.)

Not to worry though! You can still look forward to my ramblings, rants and interactions with my son and husband which will be posted in Present Gameplay, as well, I will be putting more into my Cards of Life and The Players.

I’m kind of excited actually. I feel I can give more to my readers now that I am streamlining my content and I hope you enjoy following me nonetheless.

Cheers!

Our Kind of Pillow Talk

7 Jun

T and I have something special when it comes to communication. Our ability to converse spans over many subjects and nothing is off-limits. I find him to be the most stimulating conversationalist but for the sake of our marriage and happiness we avoid political debates, well, before bedtime at least.

Last night we watched an episode of House. At the end Wilson is getting a brain scan to determine if his tumor is operable. Of course there was a cliff hanger and we’ll find out tonight if Wilson is toast, but that ending stuck with me.

Subsequently, our pillow talk went a bit twisted. Instead of talking about the usual, like, current world issues, Dungeons and Dragons, T’s work, B’s future, our dreams and goals, how much I miss the energy drink Whoopass, what kind of superhero we would be…it drifted to Death with Dignity.

T and I have discussed our stance on Death with Dignity and although we both support that choice, we never took it deeper than that. Well, boy did we go deeper. Like 6 feet under.

I asked T if he would kill me if I was terminally ill, suffering immensely and unable to exercise Death with Dignity. Without hesitation, and kind of excitedly, he replied, “Oh yes!”

I have such a devoted husband.

It went further.

T-  “Heck, I’d decapitate you on the steps of Parliament!”

T- “Well I mean, if I wasn’t taking care of B. I wouldn’t risk going to prison if B was still in our care.”

Was that statement about B suppose to make this uneasy feeling dissipate?

Me- “Babe, that’s nice and all but I’d like to just OD on a lot of great pain killers. Ya know, without the bloody mess, TV crews and your imprisonment? Do you not remember what Death with Dignity is?”

He knew what it entailed. Apparently his willingness to decapitate me in public was supposed to prove to me the lengths he would go to ensure I suffered no longer. But it kind of  just creeped me out.

The conversation progressed after I turned out the lights.

T- “If you could choose a way to die, not by pills or decapitation (who chooses decapitation? Is that even on the table of chosen ways to die?) what would you choose?”

Me- “If I can’t have pills, I choose sudden impact.”

T- “So I would just wheel you off a cliff?”

Me- “What, wheel me?”

T- “Well, you’d free fall and just SMACK against the ground, dead. That’s a pretty good one hun.”

Me- “I wouldn’t need pushing, I’m not afraid to die. (Why does he want to be such an active part of my death?) What about jumping out of a plane together, except I don’t pull my parachute?”

T- “Well you could do that. I couldn’t go with you.” (T is afraid of heights)

I start laughing.

Me- “If you did want to kill yourself that way. I bet I would meet you upon landing and be pissed off that you pulled your parachute.”

This was funny. Probably because we were both tired and the conversation was morbid. But the idea of being upset that he was alive, saying goodbye to him “one last time” as we free-falled together and having to keep paying for jumps out of the plane, only for him to still be living at the end of it all…. It was just funny.

T- “I wonder if someone who was scared of heights had the choice to jump off a cliff or die a slow agonizing death, could commit suicide by jumping?”

We agreed T couldn’t and had another weird laugh about death.

Me- “So how would you want to go?”

T- “I’d like to go quickly.” (From previous conversations I knew his favorite form of capital punishment was death by firing squad, he reminded me though. And just so you know, I would prefer lethal injection. In case that knowledge is some time needed in the future.)

T- “A firing squad would be cool. Or a gun to the head, it’s all the same.”

Me- “Good to know hun, glad we discussed this. I’m getting tired…”

T- “We have the best bed time conversations, don’t we? I sure love you.”

Me- “Love you more.”

I gave him a kiss good night and something fell off his mustache, and onto my lip. It was salty, and small, and round. Yes, a booger.I had a mini freak out he just laughed. I got over it.

 

*I try to sleep. Several minutes pass and I just can’t help myself.*

Me- “Decapitate me on the steps of Parliament?!? I’m going to dream of you killing me.”

T- In his sweetest, nearly asleep voice, “Only because I love you so much.”

 

 

QUESTION PERIOD: What’s the strangest bedtime conversation topic you’ve enjoyed or endured? I’d love to hear about it!

 

Idaho? Oh Balls.

7 Jun

The last time I started a new school I spent a good amount of time crying and begging my mom to let me be home schooled. This time I was out of tears. I had spent over 2 weeks crying. September came and I had resolved to attend school without protest, but also to make no effort whatsoever to make new friends. Which proved to be quite easy since all the girls seemed more interested in mocking my clothing, hair and make-up instead of getting to know me. I’ve never been a “blender” and decided to keep my identity. I wasn’t going to change myself for these vapid girls.

 

Just like every high school there were the obvious groups, except at Meridian High School they all kept to their own clique. There were the jocks, the nerds, the punks, the pot-heads, the emos, the pretty girls, the juvenile delinquents, the choir kids, and the band geeks and the drama freaks. I couldn’t find a place among any of those groups if I wanted to. I’m not athletic, I’m intelligent but not nerdy, I didn’t smoke pot, I didn’t wear black and listen to punk music, I wasn’t bound for prison, I was pretty but would rather pluck out my eyelashes than hang with those pretty girls, I wasn’t in choir, I didn’t play an instrument and I had no desire to make friends with the up-beat drama freaks. No, I was determined to mope about at home, stay depressed and just get through the school year. And I was sure about 1 thing. I would not make any friends, because in a year or 2 I would have to say goodbye. Because that’s how my life went. I’d settle in, make great friends, form a life I loved, and then I would be uprooted and have to start over. Well if I never started, I’d never have to start over. In my head, that made sense. (Yes, I would have emotionally fit in with the emo kids.)

 

I did pretty well when it came to not making friends. My health wasn’t exceptional so I missed school often, and if you don’t talk to a person they don’t become your friend. The only time I struggled was at lunch time. I used to have such a good time with all my girlfriends in Lake Stevens at lunch. We’d sit together, laugh, share food, gossip… Now I had 30 minutes of being alone with my food. For the first few days of school I ate in a hallway, sitting up against a locker, but people talked to me. Mostly outcast freshman, I didn’t want company. So I took my lunch elsewhere.

 

For 2 months I ate in a stall in the girls bathroom. I know what you’re thinking, I think that too. Sometimes I would cry and sometimes I would finish eating and start on homework. Again, I am well aware of how bizarre this was as I was the one in there.

Btw, do you have any idea how many bulimic teenage girls there are in this world? If I had to guess, at least 25% of the girls in my high school were. I would hear girl after girl throwing up while I tried to keep my lunch down. And if they weren’t throwing up, they were shooting up, snorting up or generally getting effed up. Those girls I reported, I had to do something. I couldn’t just be the weird girl eating her lunch in the bathroom while criminal activity was taking place. I gave myself a higher purpose. I was an undercover cop busting girls abusing substances. Except without the cop part. And my cover was a bathroom stall. And I would just tell the front office after I was done eating and they had left.

One time when I reported some girls for drug use in the bathroom, the office woman asked me, “How do you always happen to be in there when they are doing drugs?” I replied matter-of-factly, “I eat in a stall.” She cocked her head to one side and frowned, “Oh child, have you no friends?”  I sarcastically replied, “Oh yes I do, I just have a sensitive bowel.” She was not impressed and that response probably discredited furthering reports.

 

Time passed.

 

In December I accidentally made a friend. Our teacher changed the seating assignments and I was placed by this girl who always gave me dirty looks. I don’t know why she did, I had never said a word to her. For some reason, she decided to talk to me that day. Come to find out she was completely unaware of her facial expressions. That’s just what her face does when she’s not thinking. We ended up having a lot in common and after 3 full months of staying mum, it felt nice to talk to someone.  She asked me where I sat at lunch (I avoided that question) and said I was welcome to join her friends. And so I did from that day on. (Years later I told her where I had been eating lunch before she invited me to eat with her. Immediately she looked puzzled, nearly sad perhaps, then she couldn’t stop laughing at me.) I had made a friend!  And soon I started making more.

I created a good circle of friends in Meridian, Idaho. But unlike in Lake Stevens where most were girls, I only had 1 girlfriend. Kim. She meant the world to me. She saved me from loneliness, sadness and all the other negative-nesses I was inflicting on myself.

We had a mutual love, Brownie Batter. (Yes, I was blonde for a while…)

 

The rest of my friends consisted of 6 teen boys affectionately referred to as “The Guys”, they were like brothers to me. By January I was happy with life in Idaho.

But as my general happiness with my social life started to rise, my physical health declined. It was declining so fast that by the last quarter of my sophomore year I went to school once a week to get assignments and spent the rest of my time in bed doing homework, resting so I could see my friends on the weekend. This period of time was difficult for me. The decline was so rapid that I had little time to adjust to my new limits. I frequently over did it with activity and would experience extreme pain, fatigue and occasional paralysis in my legs as my body tried to recover from the physical damage I inflicted up on it. I’m not saying I went out running or mountain climbing. I would pay heavy consequences for walking around the mall for an hour. It was hard to adjust to this new lifestyle of limits, physically and especially mentally.

My brother would stay home from school to take care of me on my bad days, as my parents could not miss anymore work. During this time my brother and I grew even closer than we already had been. I depended on him for so much. He’d bring me my pills, make my breakfast and lunch, he’d watch endless movies with me and tolerate my afternoon habit of watching Star Trek. And when I would lose the use of my legs, he’d carry me around wherever I needed to go. Even to the bathroom. He was amazing. Seriously, a girl couldn’t ask for a more perfect brother, or best friend.

 

Soon my regular doctor was unable to help with my pain management and became very concerned as my quality of life declined, so he referred me to a Muscular Dystrophy Specialist in Boise.

Enter the best doctor ever! He was dry and sarcastic, a bit of a tool actually, and slightly intimidating but had a soft spot for people with MD, especially children. He was amazing at what he did. He also introduced me to the community of MDA, thank God for MDA!

 

 

Thor Doesn’t Need School

6 Jun

I went on a last-minute, surprise, whirlwind trip to California over the weekend and I am absolutely drained physically and emotionally. The trip was booked 12 hours before my flight left Buffalo and it enabled me to attend my little bro’s wedding. I experienced immense joy, mixed with tons of anxiety, which I’ll get to in my next post. For now, since I am too tired to write anything of true substance, I’m sharing a conversation I had with my 4 yr old son this morning. He keeps me on my toes.

Me: B, when Inspector Gadget is over it’s school time.
B: Do you know who I am? (Beau is wearing his Thor costume, and holding his hammer)
Me: You’re Thor.
B: Yes, and Gods don’t have school-time. They play the Wii.
Me: Well, young Gods need school so they can have a sharp mind as well as physical strength when they grow up and take on the life of a superhero!
B: Momma, Thor is already grown up. So that means I’m smart, strong and a superhero. (he pauses and then gives me a wry smile that a 4 yr old should not be capable of making)  And I’m a super powerful Demi-God.
Me: (totally impressed) 1 point B, 0 points me. OK, what game do you want to play?
B: Star Wars. It’s light saber time.
Me: Jedis need school.
B: Momma, I’m Thor. Remember?
Me: Just saying…
*I know he won this one. We’re going to ditch school today and play Wii. Any kid who can enter a battle of wits with someone 6 times his age and win, can ditch a day of school in my opinion.*