T and I have something special when it comes to communication. Our ability to converse spans over many subjects and nothing is off-limits. I find him to be the most stimulating conversationalist but for the sake of our marriage and happiness we avoid political debates, well, before bedtime at least.
Last night we watched an episode of House. At the end Wilson is getting a brain scan to determine if his tumor is operable. Of course there was a cliff hanger and we’ll find out tonight if Wilson is toast, but that ending stuck with me.
Subsequently, our pillow talk went a bit twisted. Instead of talking about the usual, like, current world issues, Dungeons and Dragons, T’s work, B’s future, our dreams and goals, how much I miss the energy drink Whoopass, what kind of superhero we would be…it drifted to Death with Dignity.
T and I have discussed our stance on Death with Dignity and although we both support that choice, we never took it deeper than that. Well, boy did we go deeper. Like 6 feet under.
I asked T if he would kill me if I was terminally ill, suffering immensely and unable to exercise Death with Dignity. Without hesitation, and kind of excitedly, he replied, “Oh yes!”
I have such a devoted husband.
It went further.
T- “Heck, I’d decapitate you on the steps of Parliament!”
T- “Well I mean, if I wasn’t taking care of B. I wouldn’t risk going to prison if B was still in our care.”
Was that statement about B suppose to make this uneasy feeling dissipate?
Me- “Babe, that’s nice and all but I’d like to just OD on a lot of great pain killers. Ya know, without the bloody mess, TV crews and your imprisonment? Do you not remember what Death with Dignity is?”
He knew what it entailed. Apparently his willingness to decapitate me in public was supposed to prove to me the lengths he would go to ensure I suffered no longer. But it kind of just creeped me out.
The conversation progressed after I turned out the lights.
T- “If you could choose a way to die, not by pills or decapitation (who chooses decapitation? Is that even on the table of chosen ways to die?) what would you choose?”
Me- “If I can’t have pills, I choose sudden impact.”
T- “So I would just wheel you off a cliff?”
Me- “What, wheel me?”
T- “Well, you’d free fall and just SMACK against the ground, dead. That’s a pretty good one hun.”
Me- “I wouldn’t need pushing, I’m not afraid to die. (Why does he want to be such an active part of my death?) What about jumping out of a plane together, except I don’t pull my parachute?”
T- “Well you could do that. I couldn’t go with you.” (T is afraid of heights)
I start laughing.
Me- “If you did want to kill yourself that way. I bet I would meet you upon landing and be pissed off that you pulled your parachute.”
This was funny. Probably because we were both tired and the conversation was morbid. But the idea of being upset that he was alive, saying goodbye to him “one last time” as we free-falled together and having to keep paying for jumps out of the plane, only for him to still be living at the end of it all…. It was just funny.
T- “I wonder if someone who was scared of heights had the choice to jump off a cliff or die a slow agonizing death, could commit suicide by jumping?”
We agreed T couldn’t and had another weird laugh about death.
Me- “So how would you want to go?”
T- “I’d like to go quickly.” (From previous conversations I knew his favorite form of capital punishment was death by firing squad, he reminded me though. And just so you know, I would prefer lethal injection. In case that knowledge is some time needed in the future.)
T- “A firing squad would be cool. Or a gun to the head, it’s all the same.”
Me- “Good to know hun, glad we discussed this. I’m getting tired…”
T- “We have the best bed time conversations, don’t we? I sure love you.”
Me- “Love you more.”
I gave him a kiss good night and something fell off his mustache, and onto my lip. It was salty, and small, and round. Yes, a booger.I had a mini freak out he just laughed. I got over it.
*I try to sleep. Several minutes pass and I just can’t help myself.*
Me- “Decapitate me on the steps of Parliament?!? I’m going to dream of you killing me.”
T- In his sweetest, nearly asleep voice, “Only because I love you so much.”
QUESTION PERIOD: What’s the strangest bedtime conversation topic you’ve enjoyed or endured? I’d love to hear about it!