Seek out little pleasures, to obtain happiness you must.

5 Jul

Today is the first day without my bug. It started rather early when T’s alarm sounded for him to wake. I had every intention of falling right back asleep and taking full advantage of the morning silence.

I couldn’t.

I tried and tried. Tossed and turned, fluffed my pillows, sprawled out in the center of the bed….

Sleep did not come to me. All that came to me was a frown and the urge to climb into my little boy’s bed.

I fought this urge for a while, but the longing to smell the scent of my little guy was far too strong to resist. I made my way to his bed.

I laid there. Then, out of nowhere, I felt warm wet liquid on the sides of my face, my nose started running. What? No Lacey. Stop.

Yeah, I wept. I didn’t cry. I wept. These were tears of sorrow. Everything inside me wanted my little boy home in his bed.

Seriously, what is my problem? This is supposed to be a relaxing, month-long break from motherhood. I am supposed to be drinking a mimosa with breakfast, basking in the hot summer sunlight, reading books and foremost, SLEEPING. I miss sleeping so much. And yet, here I am. In my son’s bed, weeping on his pillow and longing to touch his cute flushed cheeks as he sleeps.

Oh how precious he looks when he sleeps…. My heart is cracking.

 

I finally got a grip on myself and decided to find a distraction. I put on some obnoxiously loud music and started cleaning. It was 7:55am and I was cleaning. SERIOUSLY LACE! YOU ARE PATHETIC.

I cleaned furiously. I sang loudly. I cried intermittently. I brewed a pot of Starbucks French Roast.

I went around scrubbing this, sweeping up that, putting away dishes, throwing laundry around all the while a perma-scowl invaded my should-be peaceful face. Boo. This month is gonna suck balls. Why did I think this month was going to be the best month of the year? I was utterly mistaken.

But as I pouted, the smell of my favorite Starbucks roast took over the house as I cleaned. I started taking deep breaths, drinking in the aroma. Mmm…time for a coffee break I thought. I took my coffee to the living room and started sipping. I continued to smell the beautiful dark roast glory, tasting the righteous nectar of the Caffeine Gods with each long and leisurely drink.

 

Wait a minute. This coffee is still hot and I’ve almost finished the cup. I smiled. I put my cup down on THE SEAT CUSHION of the couch. I got up to check the quiche in the oven. I came back, the cup hadn’t spilled. I picked it up, drank it. The last sip was still hot and filled with victory!

 

I miss my son and my heart is cracked. But my scowl is gone and I am on my third (uninterrupted) cup of Starbucks.

 

So it might be small but I have found something worth enjoying out of this whole separation.

 

DELICIOUS HOT COFFEE!

 

I’m hoping to find more little pleasures to enjoy in order to mask the sorrow of the biggest thing I enjoy being absent.

 

***I hope all my American friends enjoyed their Day of Independence yesterday. Mine was a mixed bag of balls, but the fireworks at Niagara Falls were breathtaking.***

 

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13 Responses to “Seek out little pleasures, to obtain happiness you must.”

  1. Jim Maher July 5, 2012 at 12:03 pm #

    Don’t worry, Lace, you’ll get your little dude back. I know it sucks. The first time my wife visited her mum with our eldest son, and this was only for a weekend, I was a wreck for the first day. These little people just work their way into our hearts and souls in such a way, don’t they?

    • Lace July 5, 2012 at 12:10 pm #

      Oh yes they do! And he took my heart and soul with him when he left… How rude. I know I’ll survive, I just don’t have to be overly happy about the whole situation =P

  2. iamrahulashok July 5, 2012 at 12:21 pm #

    Awwww…! I’m so much glad enough to read the words of expressions, love and care about your son. You’ll definitely get him back soon, Lace. ๐Ÿ™‚
    God bless. Cheers.\m/ ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Lace July 5, 2012 at 12:53 pm #

      Thank you Rahul! I am hoping the time passes quickly.

  3. Jill July 5, 2012 at 2:03 pm #

    Love your words of expression. Its as if we get to be right there as you go through this tough time… i hope you find a way to smile,sleep,and laugh alone. For now, the starbucks is a start. How does one send this to starbucks…. it may be a free coffee or more in the right hands? Suggestions?

  4. Jill July 5, 2012 at 2:04 pm #

    Maybe ill print it off and deliver it to corporate office of starbucks in downtown seattle… yup, im gonna do it.

    • Lace July 5, 2012 at 2:13 pm #

      Mom!!! Lol, no way. You’re hilarious.

  5. twindaddy July 5, 2012 at 9:07 pm #

    I feel your pain. My kids drive me nuts, but when they’re not around it saddens me. I love having them here and will pass on most social invites just to be with them. Even if all we do is watch a movie.

    • Lace July 6, 2012 at 9:58 am #

      I’ve had a few friends tell me that I should be celebrating. They don’t have kids though… Glad you can sympathize.

      • twindaddy July 6, 2012 at 4:48 pm #

        I’ve never been able to feel good about not having them around. I do go out every now and then and leave them with their grandmother, but I feel guilty about not being with them when I do so.

  6. Andrew July 5, 2012 at 9:56 pm #

    My mom still misses me, and I’m in my 20s. Moms are the best. He will return, and then the Avengers will be back together.

    • Lace July 6, 2012 at 10:00 am #

      He told me if I needed him to just let him know and he’d get really mad and turn into Hulk and run here. I said how about you just grab your Ironman suit and fly here without all the destruction. He said, “Yeah, I guess I could. But destruction is more fun…and it’s good to exercise. Sooo…”

  7. Chris Biscuits July 13, 2012 at 10:39 pm #

    He looks like such a little dude! You know how sometimes you have to indulge parents and pretend their kids are interesting and cute? Well this guy is the real deal. Look at that smile! I hope he finds his way home soon.

    In other news, after meeting you only this morning, I have been lucky enough to be the recipient of a WordPress Blogging Award, and it would be the height of rudeness for me to not extend the honour immediately to you, because you deserve it. I hope you’ll accept with gravitas and aplomb, because these things are like gold dust.

    http://anxietyandbiscuits.com/2012/07/14/officially-lovely/

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