The “Senior Citizen” Card

24 Jul

Usage Guidelines: Use for discounts, excusing behaviour, and pension activation.

Expiration: Never. There is no going back.

Congratulations, you’re old! 65 is a special age and so many wonderful things come to you in this stage of life. For 1, this cool card.

My grandparents, Moose and Pops, use this card well. They take full advantage of the discounts wherever offered. And seriously, I am jealous. It’s wicked cheap to eat out, which is a good thing for them because my Gramma Moose could easily burn a house down.

Businesses even hold Senior Citizen Days and the oldies come out in droves to snatch up the good deals! Watch out for the tiny old women on these days, they are more aggressive than one may think.

I have two firsthand examples of this card being used.

A couple of years ago I was grocery shopping at a local store. I believe it was a day when the government issued their checks to the low-income elderly as the younger crowd was severely outnumbered 10-2. This didn’t bother me, I just remember thinking there were a lot of Senior Citizens out…perhaps there was a special sale? I did not know.

I went about doing some quick shopping. I was mostly there for sick food and Kleenex as it was cold season. I grabbed some cold medicine and headed down the aisle for the Kleenex. The nice stuff, 3-ply with aloe, was on special! There was one left on the shelf, I reached for it and then recoiled as my arm was whacked with a cane.

I turn to face the cane wielder and to give him/her a piece of my mind. There stands an elderly woman in her 80’s, no more than 4 feet 5 inches tall.

Her- “So sorry Deary. I was trying to reach for the Kleenex. Would you be so kind?” Her headed nodded strangely at me.

Me- “Oh that’s ok. I have a hard time reaching things too, glad I can help for once.” The old lady was so sweet sounding, I could not be mad at an accident. I grabbed the regular Kleenex that had been next to the one I took.

Her- “Well that won’t do deary. See, when you are as old as me your skin is like paper. And nowadays it seems I am always taken ill or mourning the loss of a friend. I need the one with aloe deary, for my frail skin.” She nods her head at me again.

I understand what she is getting at. She is nodding at my box of Kleenex in my basket. The last one of the good stuff, on sale. I take a few seconds to process this. I am quite sure she meant to whack me with the cane, and I am quite sure she is pulling out her Senior Citizen Card to get what she wants from me…

She begins to hold out her arms towards me, her hands shaking. She is waiting for me to come to my conclusion and gift her with the coveted Kleenex.
I hand her my box of Kleenex and grab the crappy stuff for myself. Well played old lady, well-played.

My second example:

Senior Citizens tend to have amazing gardens. It must be all their years of knowledge coupled with massive amount of free time. It also might have to do with them stealing water. If you live next to an elderly person with an immaculately kept garden, green and lush, in the middle of a summer drought… keep your eyes on him/her.

A couple of weeks ago I spied an elderly gentlemen on our block grabbing the hose of their neighbor, dragging it across their driveway and watering his own flower beds. Perhaps he had permission to do so, but I highly doubt as he was looking up and down the block frequently.

I am sure he had it all planned out if he was to get caught too. I bet it would consist of him referring to how his wife passed away or how weak he’s become since he’s lost all reasons to live except for keeping his garden green or how it was too hard for him to turn the knob on his own hose with his arthritis, or simply that he was confused and lost. It would probably end with the elderly man getting away with it, and somehow the younger couple feeling bad or guilty in some strange way.

These “Senior Citizen” Card toting people are master manipulators. WATCH OUT! For the sake of your water bill and other stuff.

old age at Rotchild BLVD

Here are some Senior Citizens discussing their master manipulator ways as they pretend to be sweet old people, taking a rest on a beautiful day. (Photo credit: shyb)

Advertisements

4 Responses to “The “Senior Citizen” Card”

  1. theliftblog July 24, 2012 at 1:05 pm #

    Haha That is the truth! I remember when I was working in retail and I caught this old lady (on Seniors Day of course) stealing those pop up air fresheners! By the dozen! It wasn’t an accident, considering the amount and the snarl she gave me as the cop escorted her out. I can’t wait to have this card for the discounts though! Cheers! 🙂

    • Lace July 24, 2012 at 1:56 pm #

      I am super excited to use this card too. Most people fear getting older, I am embracing it. Each passing year brings wisdom and knowledge. The more I absorb now, the more witty and awesome I shall be when I am manipulating youngins and cashing in on the discounts!

  2. Jill July 24, 2012 at 1:22 pm #

    Dad and I were offered the senior discount this year! Im not happy…i was 48, I told the theater that next time i was gonna take the deal just because the attendant was sure we were old!!

    • Lace July 24, 2012 at 1:24 pm #

      You totally should have taken the discount Momma! It’s like when you get to go into a store the day before the sale starts to preview the goods. You should have taken the card for a test drive!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: