Usage Guidelines: Use when confronted with an irrational fear. If you are unable to decipher an irrational fear from a rational fear, share your fear with a friend. Watch their face for tells as you share. If you see smiles, hear laughter, or the friend responds with, “Are you serious?”, those are all good indications that your fear is in fact, irrational. Grab your card, its in the deck waiting for you.
Expiration: When you finally confront your fear and squash it. Whether it be defeated by force, or through over-priced therapy, congrats! You’re a little less crazy.
I played this card last weekend.
T and I got it into our heads to remove two ugly juniper bushes in the front yard. These bushes reminded me of gnome hats. Not that I have anything against gnomes, I just don’t like bushes that resemble their hats.
The bushes were covered in spider webs. Apparently they were homes to an uncountable number of spiders and spider baby sacs. This fact did not discourage me from aiding in the removal process of these bushes.
I am not scared of spiders.
As T sawed off the branches, I gathered them and placed them in the lawn and garden bag. Soon there was just a tall stump.
I suggested we tie a rope around it and pull it out with the car. Apparently, that was “overkill”.
We began shoveling. The ground began to crawl.
What… Spiders? Ants?
Me: “HOLY BALLS THEY’RE EARWIGS!!!! No, no, no. Absolutely not! Retreat! Retreat!”
I ran from the excavation site making high-pitch squeals while slapping my shins and rubbing down any exposed skin. I felt them in my hair too and started batting at my head and shaking out my hair.
T just stood there in the earwig swarm, staring at my curiously.
After a bit more oblivious-to-the-world freaking out on my part….
Me: Earwigs! (still rubbing my skin and now slightly winded from all the jumping about)
T: They won’t hurt you.
Me: I know.
T: Then what’s the problem?
Me: They have lots of legs, they are super fast, they are brown, they are shiny, THEY HAVE PINCERS!!!!
T: I don’t think they can harm you.
Me: That’s what everyone says. But when I was younger, one urinated on me and bit me! (T is still standing in the swarm and it’s making me grow more and more fearful/severely uncomfortable by the minute. They might be on him now, burrowing, planning their attack. He could unknowingly bring them into our house on his body!)
T: Umm, OK. I’ll manage without you.
Me: I’ll get the car ready.
T: That’s OK babe.
The earwigs continue to swarm but luckily T was not harmed while digging.
T broke out the ax to break a couple of roots free. As he swung down on the roots, earwigs took flight.
Me: “HOLY BALLS THEY CAN FLY!!!!”
The danger and creepiness increased by 40% and I confined myself to the porch until the stump was removed.
*Shudder* They can fly….
The good news is the ugly bushes are gone and I thoroughly researched earwigs whilst writing this card and I am 100% sure this irrational fear can be overcome.
I’m thinking of “exposure therapy”. Ill start with pictures, then videos, then the real deals out in my flower bed…. I’ll keep you all posted.
As far as I know I only have one other irrational fear.
Layovers lasting 2 hours or more have 50% less fear factor but are still unnerving and bring me anxiety. Layovers under 1 hour in length are avoided at all costs. I would rather pay $200 more for a longer layover and delay my arrival by several hours, than have a short layover. The fear of layovers dissipates once I board my flight, but kicks in again during the descent to meet my connecting flight. Oh, my stomach is in knots just thinking about a short layover. I get extreme anxiety including sweats, heart palpitations, diarrhea and sometimes vomiting during the “anticipation phase” of airport layovers.
Weirdly enough, I love flying.
Can you see my Irrational Fear Card clearly enough?
Do you have an Irrational Fear? I’d love to read about! Share with me in the comments or email me at email@example.com